Loving people who are easy to love, is just that: easy. It means a lot more when someone loves another person who is hard to love. This requires more character, 'counts for more', etc.. I think this is pretty common knowledge and likely biblically founded.
What gets me is when I can't even love the easy to love.
In some ways this is an internal signal that "Luke, you've got to set aside some time to get straightened out inside." Around the same time as thinking that, I usually get some kind of climax (burst of anger, or a reprimand or something like that) which is humbling which in turn gets me feeling pretty low, and I find myself introspective, questioning and, in the end, remorseful, and I get back with God, fresh start, loving people again. It has been a steady cycle, but as I get older, I seem better able to prolong the climax... which isn't a very good thing because it means I'm in a state of 'less love' for longer before it really bites.
There is an answer to this cycle of woe. Stay close to God. My cousin Will has been saying this for quite a while and perhaps in a different context, but this is the way it is speaking to my heart. Discipline my heart and mind to be set on God, desiring the Word, valuing the spiritual disciplines appropriately and practicing them as capable (maybe stetching my schedule to MAKE it possible). So.. all this is not news to me.
"self" gets in the way. It's like cooking a hot tortilla. When you put it on the skillet, it bubbles up with air inside, you can flatten it with a spatulla but soon after being pressed down, it grows up again, defiant. It needs a good quick smack that will actually pop the bubble, and not just push it flat. Self is like that bubble, but what will be the real *pop* and not just a squashing? A thought? An experience? God Himself? Probably a combination of the three along with Scripture. Sigh, it's a life battle that is long overdue to be done and finished with.
I think I'm ready to start loving people better now. Put this particular cycle "game" away and get serious about real life and being alive in Christ.
<>there's a lot more content that could be added into this post, such as other ways that I can 'stay close to God' which i haven't included, so this isn't exactly a call for other ways of living a 'mindful' life. I got a pretty good idea of what they are. the issue is more the barrier between where I am now and living that life.<>
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2 comments:
Your cousin is pretty much dead on. Of course, "stay close to God" is easier said than done. Knowing that the Holy Spirit is in us, it is very discouraging when we cannot discipline ourselves to run from temptation and always be God-minded.
I'm glad that you are ready to love people better again. :)
Have you read "Spirit of the Disciplines"? A worthwhile read by Dallas Willard. Check it out if you haven't.
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