Well, I made myself some coffee today. I figured out not too long ago that two cups in one day is TOO much. How did I ever get so sensitive to coffee?!
So now it is 10:15pm and I'm jittery, unconsiously clenching my teeth, and it general... buzzing. Which reminds me of the _worst_ coffee time I've ever had.
Our ship was in the Mediterranean Sea and had just finished our time in Izmir, Turkey. We voyaged to Cypress and I was disappointed to find it very dry and not-so-different from places nearby here in California. The weather was temperate, and the every day there passed by with blue skies. The whitish blue that comes with dry, slightly dusty air. December 1st, and the first day of our Intensive Discipleship Course (IDC). This was also the day my good friend Toby Huber was leaving the ship, so some of us (Mirjam Morling) woke up early, helped last-minute pack.. and (here's where the coffee comes in), went up to the galley to grab some coffee.
Well, the coffee usually is in the dining room.. only it was too early, so we got it straight from the BIG coffee machine, which is a little less than a meter (~2'6'') and 1.5m high.. they had just started pouring in the boiling water over the coffee, and so we got strong coffee. A full mug, stronger than... 12 espresso's. And it was fine.. but then, coffee takes a while to effect one's system... so it was about an hour later, after the turmoil of saying goodbye, that I was sitting in an all-ship's-company safety meeting, and I started getting really anxious. REALLY anxious. Irrationally so. Well, my mind spun up, and I prayed, breathed, and waited. Then walked off the ship.
I had a questionaire to fill out for the IDC program, and so decided to give myself time to gather my wits, be rational, and fill out the form. Things felt strange, and I had a weird sense of paranoia. Thoughts like, "things aren't the way they seem!!" and "what am I doing here?!" kept flitting through my mind, and in this unstable state I filled out the questionaire. Then got up and walked back onto the ship. Everything looked really different. I was familiar with everything, but it was like I was seeing it for the first time. People's voices sounded different to my ears than before. Thought about getting something to eat, but felt like I just wouldn't be able to swallow it even if I tried (couldn't trust myself to remember how to swallow). Went to my cabin, laid in my bed and prayed a LOT. World was strange around me, anxiety plagued my mind.. and it slowly subsided. God. Got up, and felt peace. Things still looked different. It could be that they still do, and I just got used to this new frame of mind. But God sustained me through the whole experience, kept me sane.
So, don't drink too much coffee, and have God as your sanity. He still keeps me sane when things are strange and life is vague. My happiest, most contented times are when I'm close to Him.
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9 comments:
i know some of you have heard about this before, but for me it was a shaping moment in my life to a.. 20 degree, so it's worth posting about. neh?
Is this that experience you told me about where chemical influences brought you to the point of going insane and God was there for you?
yeah.
emotions had something to do with it as well.
Well, you come by your intolorance for caffine honestly. I can only handle a little in a day, and the one time I over did it, I won't say I almost lost my mind, but I sure didn't ever want to do it again! Awful! Very wound up and anxious, very not 'laid back' feeling.
And then there is your Grandpa. I remember him coming home one day from work, holding out his hand so we could see it tremble. "Ugh" he said, "Some guy talked me into having a cup of coffee with him. This is why I don't drink the stuff!"
the effects of alcohol are.. nearly opposite that of caffeine for me. I can't stomach much alcohol either though... bachelor parties, and other social get-togethers have revealed the fact. Makes me feel unsettled in my stomach. So I usually end up having a steady-light amount over a long period of time.
built in moderation, eh? I guess it is the same with coffee.
I don't like either substance. Both are nasty tasting and have lame effects on me.
lol!
There's a lot to be said about knowing what you can handle. I avoid coffee later at night unless I want un-sleep.
Red wine, certain amounts allow me to wake up with un-head.
Gotta stick with what you know works.
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