This is a bit of an introspective post, so.. you're warned.
I've been thinking about how little I remember of the past. Really, it's amazing how much I've forgotten. Often when I get together with siblings or close friends they talk about something we did together, or that I said, or some crazy endeavor.. and I have no recollection whatsoever. It can even get so bad as me feeling like a stranger to my own past.. not knowing much more about myself than people I'm meeting for the first time. Little that is particularly vivid.. just a few markers: Worked at Biola, on a ship with tons of people, went to school in the Philippines.. grew up over there too and I've a couple stories about each of those. More than that? Not much more. It makes me a bit sad to realize that the memories are gone and have faded that quickly.
Maybe most people live with those around them long enough that they're constantly reminding each other "of the time when.." and so things remain remembered. I have moved so much and so significantly that I don't have those people around me. I don't remember the time, and I rely on people to TELL me about the time when I (we) did something. Really, we did? How weird, cool, exciting, etc... They help me remember who I am (and who I was). Without them.. I'm only my most recent memories, and a few select, precious memories beyond that. This might be why I'm such a terrible story teller.. since I don't remember my own stories. My brother Peter has a much better memory, and I love to hear him talk about things we did when we were younger. He tells them well.
What I can do about it... I was talking with my grandma and grandpa about this issue some months ago. They said that if I start writing down a biography/journal of sorts, remembering the past, more and more will come back to me. I'd like to start this practice, maybe making time daily to meditate/dredge up dusty memories of interest. Some might go up here on the blog, but that's counting on them actually showing up.
What you can do about it.. when we talk, if we talk.. let's be sure and reflect on exciting/rich times in the past. Feel free to write me an email about things we did together, memories we made (which I may not be able to remember) but are precious to us. I know I have a network of deeply meaningful friendships (and family members) who've been in my life in defining ways. Even without remembering all the key events and such, I know the impressions and gratitude I bear toward each of them. In concluding, I constantly look forward to reconnecting and finding those memories again and making more of the same.
Extra: I'd love to hear your thoughts on memory as well. How much do you remember? Is there a technique or idea you've employed in preserving your memories? What is it that helps you to know yourself as you were (and are today)? Is this even a sane contemplation?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
My own experience: the more dramatic changes one has in life, the more time slows down. For example, I worked at WTB for 11 years, taught school for 1 year, then worked at Parkville for 10 years. The 11 years I worked at WTB seem just as long as the 1 year that I taught school. Now that I've worked at Parkville for 10 years, time goes by much faster since I have no change in employment, home or relationship status.
I think I'm kind of like you... I remember big things and the atmosphere of my past but I am mostly focused in the present and the future. I often say to myself... "stop - remember this, because it's really special! Memorize it! This is a moment you don't want to forget!"... but I don't think I actually remember those things more. What has helped me to remember is to take pictures. Looking back at them jogs my memory for specific things that happened. I think blogging is also good, because it documents what, who, when and how it felt. That's why I'm glad I blog.
I remember you as a cute and cuddly little kid when you lived at the Painter house... always eager to please. You knew that being cute made good things happen, so you didn't try to stifle your cuteness, but sort of played it up. :-)
I'm glad you are taking lots of pictures! Looking through my old photo albums helps me remember events of the past. As Robin said blogging should be helpful too.It was so nice to visit with you on Skype!
I am realizing the same things that you are. I am trying to journal a lot more because all the details are gone from my memory, but the journals help to fill in the blanks. Last year I typed up a journal from a 10 day trip to Mexico 15 years ago, and it was amazing to read it and realize how much I had forgotten.
Post a Comment