changes and the same

I'm very new to teaching.  My inexperience is constantly before me while I teach, and I recognize so many missed opportunities for learning.  People who I tell this to (usually other teachers) are really encouraging in response, saying, "Noticing missed opportunities is a mark of a great teacher!" Well... that IS encouraging, but not if I don't actually improve.

There's a level of professionalism in teaching that I haven't achieved yet, and I actually have a friendship relationship with all of my students (more so with the older ones).  I feel like this may be the only year where I allow this level of closeness because it feels like it might be overly familiar.. to the loss of authority somehow. Sometimes the students know the material better than I do, and I find that a bit embarrassing. Perhaps I should have introduced the course by saying they will often know more than me in the subject, but my role is to be as a facilitator to their learning. This is certainly the case in practice. If I were teaching the same course over and over again, I'd definitely be the more knowledgeable.

I feel older. This isn't a bad thing. I better understand the tension between encouraging lively-ness and sobriety than I did when I was younger. I recognize how my leniency as a teacher has encouraged apathy, and that it's possible to challenge the students in a way which brings out creativity and intelligence. I haven't the skill to do that yet, but I can see the need for it. A good teacher can do it. I see the need for it in my own life, anyway, which is perhaps even more helpful. I should get the book "Do Hard Things" and challenge the kids with it. Some suggestions from you readers are more than welcome, of course!

We had parent-teacher conferences this past week and I felt an added burden for my students after talking with their parents. These are their kids, and they have high hopes for them. They trust that we're doing our best, but their ambitions for their children are much greater than I can see myself fulfilling as a teacher. I suppose this saddles me with a sense of guilt. I naturally feel like I've failed in some way or another, so it is hard to gauge if there is more guilt added or not. I just do what I do, and sometimes that could be more. Or could it? Maybe some of my idealism is wearing away, and that's why I feel older. My own developing ideas of what a "good life" is is probably at odds with that of the parents. It seems I should be reading more Plato, yes? More of the Word, at least. "Life and life abundantly" is probably going to look different than some of the parent's visions for their children, but that future isn't my battle or responsibility. Phew! It is a sweet promise to claim for them, though.


I had a birthday last week and didn't do very much to celebrate. A bunch of my 11th graders came over in the evening to review for the next day's US Gov't exam. We spent the evening talking about the Executive Branch and the Civil Service System. Is it fair to say that I'd rather not be doing that for my next birthday?  My students did write a card for me, though, and that was really encouraging. Apparently I'm their "most interesting" teacher and they're glad I'm a "man teacher" as well as being happy that I'm up for being social with them. They're also glad I'm their homeroom teacher, and I'm glad too! Fun kids. It's easy to forget that I have nieces that are older than them. At the parent-teacher conference I was struck by how young some of their parents are.


Big topic change warning.


There's been a lot of death and hardship going around lately.. I don't mean to darken anyone's day or anything like that, but it does seem to be the case.  We had a professor die last week (at the University.. I didn't know him), he had taught in the Chemistry department and it was a complete surprise. Just 53yrs old. His wife in Korea (and children in the US) are coming to retrieve his body. Also this past week was a student suicide (apparently). The student was from Nepal and doing an international program of some kind. Though I never met him, I heard today that he was a really nice guy and so friendly.. his death was equally unexpected. These things are uncommon in this area, or at least, at this University, and everyone is feeling the effect of it, in big or small ways.


Some other hardships... we have a student who struggles with "sticky fingers" and a mouth that won't admit it. Dealing with this has taken it's toll on the administration (and teachers). Two students have a father who is in Korea, dying of cancer, plus a dying uncle and grandfather. They're only in 5th and 6th grade. It's a hard enough time in life as it is. Outside the school life, a good friend of mine in the US recently had a stroke (but he's recovering well!) and that's been an intense time for them (he and his wife). I think he's younger than I am.
As I think of hardships it seems like the count just keeps going up and up. It is not bad that these things are happening.. only hard, and I have hope that they will yield good in the longer term.  Though they aren't happening to me directly, they are happening to people I care about. They do check my heart and beckon me to my knees. I can't say my knees have had much use recently, so this is at least one immediate good. I'm thankful.


I need to finish this up. We're starting on the Judicial System/Branch of the federal government this week, and I'm not sure how we'll tackle it yet. Lots to plan!  I appreciate your prayers for me as I become a better teacher/mentor/role-model/friend, etc... there's a lot in me that I'd like to change, but I need to know where the lines are. I shouldn't be more or less than I'm made to be, right? Wisdom. Oh, and discipline. Insight. Compassion. Strength. Humor. Gratitude.